So, you’re a first time mom or mommy to be! Congratulations! That’s so exciting… and terrifying…and a LOT of work! But it’s also the most amazing, intense love you will ever feel. I know the sleep deprivation struggle is real! It can make it difficult to focus on everything you have to do and learn, and it’s also hard to know where to start. Trust me. I’ve been there.
Everything I thought I would do as a mom I don’t, and everything I thought I wouldn’t do, I do. And that’s ok! But there are so many things I wish I would’ve been more prepared for. All anyone kept telling me when I was pregnant was, “Sleep now because you’ll never sleep again.” and “Sleep when the baby sleeps”. Neither of which are very helpful. No one prepares you for the really hard stuff. Aren’t you lucky you found me? I’m here to tell you what I wish people would’ve told me as a first time mom.
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Here are the top 10 things I wish I knew before becoming a first time mom:
1. Baby sleep is crazy and NOTHING prepares you for sleep deprivation
From one first time mom to another, you need to know that your baby will most likely NOT sleep in their crib, or through the night. Let me repeat that. Your baby will most likely NOT sleep in their crib…or through the night…not at first. There is seriously nothing that can prepare you for sleep deprivation. It’s really rough! Not sleeping is so hard, but it won’t last forever. Try to sleep whenever you get the chance and remind yourself that it will get better. Everything seems so much harder when you’re not getting adequate sleep so try and keep that in mind.
Did you know baby’s have wake windows? I sure didn’t until I did a ton of research in the middle of the night when my newborn wasn’t sleeping. An appropriate wake window for a newborn is around 40 minutes. This includes the time it takes to change and feed them. An overtired baby will not sleep! The more overtired your baby is, the harder and harder it will be for your baby to fall asleep and stay asleep. They will NOT just fall asleep if they’re tired. Newborns simply cannot do this. We loved this Duo glider swing as a little break from our arms! It has 3 different positions and is a swing rocker combo. It was truly a lifesaver! To see my full list of first time mom baby registry must haves click here.
So, while sleep deprivation is going to be very difficult, it will not last forever. It’s a phase just like all the other phases of motherhood.
2. You CANNOT spoil a newborn!
Don’t listen to anyone that tells you you’re holding your baby too much. Your baby is used to your warm, cozy womb and is brand new to this bright, cold world. They want and NEED your comfort. Hold your baby as much as you want. You CANNOT spoil a newborn. Ignore anyone that tells you otherwise. It’s biologically wired in us as moms to react to our baby’s cries. We feel as if we NEED to because we do. Babies need us. They’re brand new and it’s our job to love them. Embrace all the cuddles and snuggles, especially as a first time mom!
3. The fourth trimester is hard and Postpartum Anxiety is real!
Your hormones are crazy! You will cry…a lot! And that’s ok. But it might feel really intense at times. You have no control of what your hormones are doing or when they regulate. Everything you’re feeling is perfectly normal, but postpartum depression is real and can manifest in different ways like, anxiety and insomnia. Be honest with yourself, partner, and your doctors. Postpartum anxiety, or PPA hit me like a ton of bricks! Of course, yes, I had heard of postpartum depression and thought I would be prepared. I was 100 percent wrong. I didn’t realize that postpartum depression (PPD) was an umbrella term for all postpartum related imbalances and feelings. It can manifest itself in different ways. Mine came as postpartum anxiety (PPA). I felt crazy at times! But it gets better. Just be honest with yourself, partner, and your doctors. I’m not going to lie, PPA was so difficult! I wasn’t sad or depressed but everything felt scary and overwhelming. And I cried all the time because I felt as if I was failing as a mother even though I had only been one for 3 days, and was a first time mom. It’s real and you’re not alone. It gets better but it’s so important to keep your medical professionals and partner in the loop so you can take the steps you need to, in order start feeling better.
4. Breastfeeding is really hard in the beginning.
I took 2 different breastfeeding classes before I had my baby and I’m so glad I did. I still wasn’t really prepared though and it was still so hard! You have to remember that this is all new to you and your baby. You don’t know what your doing and either do they. It will be hard for your baby to latch at first. Especially if you have i verted or flat nipples, like me. Nipple shields were my best friend! These contact nipple shields were the best ones and really were a game changer in getting my baby to latch. Breastfeeding can also be very demanding as your baby cluster feeds. But please don’t be put off by this. It gets so much easier! The more you keep trying, the better you and your baby will get at it. Nursing pillows also really helped! I used this one for the football position after my C-section, and this Boppy one is the oneI still use today! Your baby doesn’t know what they’re doing either so you’re learning together. It’s ok to ask for help. I utilized the free services and lactation specialists that my hospital and insurance provided and it really was the best help. Any mother who has breastfed will agree that in the beginning it’s really hard, and that’s normal. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself though (easier said than done), if it’s not working out, fed is best. Switch to pumped bottled or formula if it’s not working out for you. A great source for all things breastfeeding is KellyMom.com
5. Feeling overwhelmed is normal- It’s okay to not have everything perfect.
It is absolutely normal to feel overwhelmed because, yes, it really is that hard. With all the changes ypur body has gone through and will continue to go through, combined with sleepless nights and poatpartum healing, it is totally normal to feel overwhelmed by all of it. And don’t worry, you’re not alone in feeling this way!
I know you’ve probably been reading all the mommy blogs and watching all the mommy vlogs, and it seems like everyone has their shiznit together. But the truth is, no one has it all together. We’re all just winging it. So don’t stress out about having everything perfect. Just do your best, and that’s good enough.Every mom is different, and every baby is different. So don’t compare yourself to other moms. Just focus on what’s best for your own baby and your own family. YOU ARE EXACTLY THE MOM YOUR BABY NEEDS. Don’t let anyone tell you different.
6. Motherhood can be extremely isolating and feel very lonely at times.
No one tells you how lonely being a new mom can feel. Being a mom is wild! You’re literally never alone bit sometimes you feel very lonely. It’s not all the time and it won’t stay that way but it is something significant moms go through. The loss of friends is also common. People that aren’t in the same stage of life as you tend to drift away. You may also find yourself isolated at times such as at family events or gatherings. You’re busy with a new baby and have to breastfeed often, burp, rock, try and get your little to nap, change diapers, comfort, etc. Sometimes people (especially ones that aren’t moms) just don’t understand everything you’re going through. Don’t worry too much though becaise there are so many ways to connect with new moms just like you. You can join so many different mom groups on Facebook, and you connect with moms on Tiktok and Instagram. You can also meet moms at play groups, or on walks in the park. The important thing is having someone to talk to.
7. People will have opinions on everything you do and don’t do as a mother.
Everyone and I do mean everyone will have an opinion on the way you parent..They will offer they’re advice when you didn’t ask and give you their unsolicited opinions. It’s annoying. It’s frustrating. It will make you so mad at times! Just don’t listen to them and do not try to do things just to appease others. It will drive you insane! Trust your own instincts. You know your baby better than anyone else. You will parent the way that works for you and your baby. So trust your instincts. Even though you’re a first time mom your gut will tell you things. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t be afraid to speak up.
People will have opinions on everything from breastfeeding, to sleeping arrangements, to the brand of pajamas you use. They’ll try and tell you what to do and what not to do. But here’s the thing, it’s your baby not theirs, and It’s ok to say no! Set those boundaries mommy!
8. Baby poop and the way baby’s breathe is very different than adults, and you will spend a lot of time discussing it!
All of sudden baby poop becomes a huge concern! You’ll probably spend a lot of time obsessing over it and questioning it to determine if your baby is healthy. It’s also really hard to see your baby uncomfortable if they are having bowel movement issues.
Baby poop comes in an array of colors and textures. And most are perfectly normal. That first newborn poop is black and is called meconium. Mustard yellow and seedy is usually next and pretty common for breastfed babies. Always ask your pediatrician about anything you feel concerned with though. Seriously ask them all the questions you have. Don’t be afraid to call the office and ask to speak to a doctor or nurse.
Babies breathe much faster then we do and make all sorts of crazy noises. I was constantly asking the pediatrician to listen to my baby’s lungs and even recorded his breathing at times when he was sleeping. It was always normal but I just wasn’t used to the noises and patterns.This can cause a lot of anxiety! Make sure to research safe sleep to keep your baby safe. Always ask your pediatrician if you have concerns though. I promise they won’t think you’re crazy.
9. Baby gas is just the worst!
Baby gas is awful! Seeing your baby in pain and not being able.to relieve that pain is heartbreaking and also leads to a cranky baby who can’t sleep. Burping your baby and tummy massages are so important. Baby gas drops are your friend. These are the ones we use. I love them because they have no dyes and work well. They are usy safe for newborna but always ask your pediatrician first before giving your baby any medication. Pumping your baby’s legs, tummy massages, and tummy time all helpnwith gas. But a gassy baby is not happy and can hinder their sleep. Gas will get better though over time as your baby’s digestive system continues to develop.
10. The way your baby sleeps is NOT a reflection on you as a mother.
I’m going to repeat this one. The way your baby sleeps is NOT a reflection on you as a mother. Every baby is different and so are their sleep patterns. If your baby is not a good sleeper that’s totally normal and does not mean you’re a bad mom. This is one I really struggled with. I felt like a failure because my baby just wasn’t a great night time sleeper, and because he hated his crib. This is normal. It has nothing to do with anything you’re doing or not doing. Some babies, most babies, just aren’t great sleepers. It is just simply their temperament. You may have a high sleep needs baby who wants to sleep 12 hours at night, or a low sleep needs baby who wants less than that. You may have a baby who only wants to contact nap, like mine, and that’s ok. We have to remember that our babies are brand new to this world. Everything to them is new and overwhelming so they need our comfort. Your baby is not ready to sleep through the night yet. Realistically as adults, we toss, we turn, we wake up and need a drink of water, or to pee, or to cuddle our partner; so it’s kind of unfair of us to expect sleeping through the night all alone from our babies. Loving and comforting your baby, and keeping then safe, are your top priorities right now. Do whatever works best for you and your baby.
BONUS number 11. Time really does go by so quickly!
The days are long but the months are fast! Soak up all those cuddles. Take tons of pictures and video. You will want the memories. I left my phone on live photo mode to have all the video clips. I also used my Google calendar to quickly have a place to write down milestones, firsts, and memories.
I hope these 10 (11) things help you on your journey as a first time mom. Remember, you’re not alone. It’s hard being a mom and anyone that tells you differently is for sure lying. We’re all just winging this mom thing together. You got this mama!
Don’t know what to pack in your hospital bag for labor and delivery? Check out my no fluff hospital bag checklist for first time moms!
Don’t forget about your baby registry! This baby registry checklist and guide has everything you need as a first time mom and nothing you don’t!
